Kids Bear Consequences of Schools Acting As Parents

Schools can’t do this job. Nor should they try to.

Let’s begin with a lesson from a curriculum called HealthSmart, published by ETR (Education Training & Research Associates) for kids aged 11 to 14 years old:

Rhode Island teacher Ramona Bessinger was recently alerted to the fact that her school district is using this curriculum. Right away, she knew she had to act on behalf of the parents with children in her district’s schools.

Bessinger sent multiple requests to the North Kingstown School Department (NKSD) for access to all curriculum materials related to K-12 "health education” to find out if the lesson pictured above is the worst of it, or if there are lessons in the unit that are equally as troubling.

The district ghosted her. NKSD did not respond to her requests, refused to answer any of her questions, and illegally withheld the district’s public records pertaining to Health Education from Bessinger and from other concerned parents with children in the district.

Judicial Watch intervened:

This is just one example of schools making decisions in loco parentis that have potentially catastrophic consequences for kids.

Catastrophic? Really?

Yes.

“Identity” and “sexual identity” are often the focus in Mental & Behavioral Health curricula, Sexuality Education (Sex Ed), “Family Life” Education, Health Education, and Social Emotional Learning (SEL) lessons in U.S. K-12 classrooms.

“Identity” is a core psychological component of human development and self awareness.

Let’s dive in.

Anyone can see that the present cultural understanding of “identity” has taken on surface and political meanings. Things like race, ethnicity, sexual orientation and “gender identity” are “intersectional” identities in today’s lingo. This superficial understanding of identity obscures its important psychological function.

In addition, all aspects of identity are important, not just two or three aspects. In fact, hyperfocus on just a few aspects of identity devalues the other aspects, which are foundational to a person’s development of a stable identity.

This is according to author Dr. Steven Stosny.

Stosny believes classroom lessons that create constricted perceptions of identity in youth lead to tragic suffering in these individuals, suffering which only can be ameliorated by the child learning to expand his or her sense of identity.

And most importantly, children deserve to be taught to identify with their basic, shared humanity, as this is shown to alleviate anxiety — rather than being taught to focus only on those identifying characteristics that set them apart from others, which fosters resentment.

Dr. Stosny’s understanding of the role of identity in developing a stable, happy sense of self puts schools to shame, as they are actively harming our kids with instruction that disrupts healthy identity formation.

Again, the popular understanding of identity has taken on social and political meanings that obscure its psychological and cognitive function, which is organizing our conscious thoughts, feelings, and behavior choices.

And, when school lessons focus only on some aspects of identity, children get the wrong idea that it is those aspects that are most important. This is because focus amplifies and magnifies importance; whatever we focus on becomes more important than everything else.

Focusing on the things which are most important about who we are promotes the development of a broader, richer, and more resilient sense of self. On the other hand, a narrow identity causes heartache. People with narrow or constricted identities suffer anxiety, rigidity, depression, and, in extreme cases, a fragmented sense of self.

Healthy people base their identity on a solid foundation. In his practice, Dr. Stosny has found it clinically useful to help his clients picture their identity as a pyramid, with foundational bottom rungs:

The foundation, Basic Humanity, is a sense of connection with all humans. It increases respect, appreciation, compassion, and kindness. Identifying with basic humanity alleviates the feelings of isolation that are integral to most psychological distress. It humanizes perceptions of others and culls the negative judgments of self and others that produce so much anxiety and resentment. When in touch with our basic, shared humanity, we automatically like ourselves better and treat others humanely.

Character is also foundational to a stable identity. Character consists of mental and moral qualities (examples: honesty, flexibility, humility, resilience, generosity, accountability), in addition to personality and temperament. In short, it’s how we tend to think, feel, and behave.

Identifying with any of the upper rungs of the pyramid, at the expense of the foundational aspects, causes prolonged stress or dysphoria. Most of the ideological and cultural strife in the world stems from hyperfocus on any of the upper rungs while violating the foundation.

Dr. Stosny writes, “The same culture wars that have devolved public discourse into name-calling and pejorative adjectives can destabilize individual identity by making it reactive and narrow. They make us behave uncharacteristically and violate our basic humanity.”

Anxiousness, depression, and resentment are ameliorated in invoking in yourself a sense of your basic humanity and in exercising your capacity for compassion, kindness, and appreciation. This is the recipe for achieving tolerance and respect for others, and for feeling sure about your self and your valuable contribution to the world.

As you can imagine, kids who are taught these foundational psychological principles about identity enjoy an enhanced sense of self, and even become invulnerable to harsh self-judgments and any disrespectful regard by others.

In other words, with good instruction about identity, kids can become anti-fragile.

Unfortunately, schools don’t teach this. Instead, children are taught that their identity is an ever-changing spot on a “gender spectrum,” sexuality, sexual orientation, race, or other surface-level group affiliation — those small aspects at the top rungs of the identity pyramid. This disrupts stable identity formation and creates youth who are distressed, self-focused, and emotionally needy:

Here is a short clip of delightful New Zealander, Elisabeth Cave of Let Kids Be Kids, presenting Dr. Stosny’s identity pyramid:

I highly recommend watching Cave’s whole talk, which is excellent.

What we are talking about here is children’s healthy psychological development, which, in the first place, is within the purview of parents/families, not educational institutions.

Secondly, when we look at the kinds of curriculum schools are choosing to instruct kids and teens about what makes them who they are, it’s clear that district officials and/or educators aren’t bothering to consult any experts in the field of child & adolescent development. Rather, they entrust the children in their care to curriculum developers which are willing to risk harming kids in service to a social change agenda. This is unconscionable.

More and more, our school systems are revealing they are anxious to insert really bad ideas about what it means to be human into children’s inner lives — where schools have no business being — and, as we have seen, are more than happy to wield bad research to do it.

Finally, I leave you with this beautiful video of a loving Dad, talking about the difficulties parents experience as they do the hard work of raising kids into worthwhile adults.

Bottom line: Schools can’t do this job. Nor should they try to.

#KIDSFIRST

Read Dr. Steven Stosny’s blog Identity Resilience here.